Broken Squeak Toy Laugh
I laugh every day. I think too much and internalize it far too often. This is the release.zombies;
zombies;
against my chest’s unsteadied breathing we pushed
our rowboat out onto the ocean thinking that tiny
pine would survive the ebb and flow of raging
tides and our ruinous laughter was building up
the tension and breaking down our strongholds
and we said we would take shifts and i would
sleep first and how i regret it every day
because instead of battling the seastorms together
we were fighting against everything side by side
at different times without the support just a sleeping
passenger and all these things we buried deep
beneath the soil where we kept digging up our roots
and there they are waiting for the moment to reach
up out of their graves all of these unspoken words
locked tightly in treasure chests longing to calcify
to grow a backbone to reach up and grab us back
and these sorts of zombies don’t know how to be
killed and they are fueled by thoughts and aching
hearts and i am sure your mind is racing and i know
my heart is breaking so we’re setting the stage
for a tragedy we really did create like a life raft
that was just the setting for the last words we
would every say i broke out goodbye, go, move on
like a scripted, well-rehearsed necessity knowing
full well that you wouldn’t want to and i wouldn’t
be the same without you but knowing that sometimes
the hardest thing is finding the best route to save
everyone with the least amount of pain in the end
and i am such an advocate for loving with 100% but
i invested all of me into you and now my deposit is
wasted in the crash of the stock market (this being
me and you) and i am pulling out before the great
depression has a rigor mortis appeal and i have never
been more sorry or sad about something about realizing
that sunflowers taller than me are no good to carry
around because they are too tall to take me dancing
and feeling my stomach ache with some sort of understanding
that you knew even that part of me when you reached
into the very heart of me and pulled out my dna
so you could encode it with yours and i could be
implanted with this sadness this is our child
this distance that i have birthed that you are feeding
that we are changing that we are growing and
the tests will all prove that all along it has been
me and you
